Crank documents Jason Statham’s attempts to turn into a Grand Theft Auto character incarnate. He has been injected with a poison and now must keep his heart rate above a certain level or he dies. He accomplishes this by going on a rampage through Los Angeles.
Who Could Have Ended It?
His doctor. Jason Statham is given the completely un-docterly advice at the beginning to steal some adrenaline shots and start getting into some dangerous activity to keep his heart rate up. This whole thing could have been avoided if he had simply recommended that Jason Statham hop on a treadmill or an exercise bike. Really anything that didn’t involve several felonies while still keeping his heart rate up.
2.
The Blues Brothers
The Blues Brothers details Jake and Elwood Blues’ quest to get $5,000 to keep the orphanage that raised them open. And they crash some cars and recklessly endanger half the population of America along the way.
Who Could Have Ended It?
When The Blues Brothers visit the Penguin (not that one, although that would be an awesome crossover), the nun who raised them, she tells them they need get $5,000 quickly. But really, were the Blues Brothers her best option in this situation? She has raised countless children in her time at the orphanage and surely some of them are more reliable and financially stable then convicted felons and certified broke bums The Blues Brothers.
The Penguin could have taken a couple of hours to call all the children she raised and ask them if they can spare $100 or $200. This would have not only been quicker than having The Blues Brothers organize a concert, it would have also ended with less (implied) bloodshed. Or organized a bake sale. Call the local news and alert them that there will be an opportunity to film underprivileged children selling cookies for a good cause and just like that you have the local media eating out of your hand and you are on your way to $5,000 easily. Hell even making some sort of sexy nun calendar and selling it for $20 would have been quicker and easier than relying on The Blues Brothers to raise the money.
3.
Inception
Dreams within dreams, Leonardo DiCaprio wants his kids back. You know the plot.
Who Could Have Ended It?
Michael Caine, the legal guardian of Leonardo DiCaprio’s kids in the film, instead of letting his son in law risk getting stuck in limbo for eternity (more or less) could offer to fly the children to live in France with their father. Passports take less time to get than the amount of time it took to plan out the inception in the first place.
4.
The Shining
In Kubrick’s version of this film, one our first experiences with Danny is him talking to Tony in front of the mirror at home, and Tony (his imaginary friend who represents Danny’s psychic abilities) tells him to stay away from the Overlook Hotel. Danny asks why, and as his reason, Tony shows him a shit load of blood – good answer Tony. Danny blacks out – and the next scene he is being checked out by a doctor in his house.
The doctor first checks Danny for physical signs of things like stroke, and then asks Danny about Tony. Danny explains that Tony is a little boy who lives in his mouth – which is pretty goddamn crazy, but whatever- kids right? She asks him if Tony ever tells him to do things – And after a pause, Danny tells her that he doesn’t want to talk about Tony anymore. The doctor then sits down with Wendy – Danny’s mom, and asks her when Tony came to be… she figures out that it was around the same time that Danny had to leave school because of a dislocated shoulder. She asks how Danny hurt his shoulder and Wendy tells her that his father did it when he was drunk.
Who Could Have Ended It?
So – Drunk abusive father injures Danny – and immediately after this, Danny starts talking to an imaginary little boy that lives in his mouth that he doesn’t like to talk about, who he was also talking to right before passing out. So what does the doctor tell Wendy about all this? She tells her that she “doesn’t have anything to worry about” and that it’s “more common than you think” for kids to have episodes like this. REALLY? That’s your diagnosis? The kid is clearly messed up – and she tells Wendy that it’s a common self-induced trance that kids put themselves in, which usually goes unexplainable. Wow.
Had she done the thing that the entire audience was no doubt screaming at her to do and called the police, or at least advised more medical and psychological treatment – that would have pretty much been the end of the film right there. Instead, she sucks.
5.
The Thin Blue Line
Regarded as one of the most important documentaries of all time, The Thin Blue Line tells the story of Randall Dale Adams, a death row inmate wrongly convicted of murdering a Dallas police officer. Over the course of the film the viewer is presented with evidence showing that David Ray Harris, a local teen, is the real culprit. A year after being released, Randall Dale Adams was released from prison thanks almost entirely to evidence presented in the film.
Who Could Have Ended It?
Errol Morris, the film’s director. Morris is heard briefly, eliciting a confession from Harris and we are shown the date of the confession, December 5, 1986. If Morris had turned this confession of to police the second he got it, The Thin Blue Line would have never needed to have been made, as it was the crucial piece of that led to Adams being freed in 1989. However, Morris didn’t play the tape for anyone prior to the film’s release in 1988 causing Adams to sit on death row while Morris went and filmed additional witness interviews, re-enactments of the crime, gratuitous shots of Dallas’ skyline, paid Phillip Glass to score the film, edited the film, found a distributor, waited for the film to come out, and then present the evidence.
6.
In The Loop
In The Loop satirizes Anglo-American politics in the lead up to a fictional war. The countries have agreed that war in the Middle East is in their best interests and now must convince the U.N. to agree and allow war to commence.
One problem stands in the way, PWIP PIP, a document released by the state department detailing the drawbacks of the war that has been shown to the press.
Who Could Have Ended It?
Liza Weld, assistant to the Assistant Secretary of State and author of PWIP PIP. Once her paper gets leaked to the press the U.N. becomes reluctant to approve a war and several people have to falsify documents to leak to the press, meetings have to be pushed back at the U.N. (which it is mentioned in the film to be extremely difficult), and newspapers have to be manipulated in order to cover anything other than PWIP PIP.
However, this is all unnecessary as all Liza has to do is publicly deny everything in PWIP PIP, as she is the author of the document and all the news outlets know this, and it won’t even turn into a news story. Her superiors have all agreed that the paper is harmful to their desired cause, so it is beneficial to her to quash the story, and she still doesn’t come out and deny anything. And it wasn’t a matter of principal in stopping the war either, we see her at the end working to get the U.N. to agree to the war. All it would have taken to stop the film was one e-mail to the Associated Press.
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