Wednesday, December 29, 2010

ALIEN HOTTIES PART TWO



Let me tell you why I love science fiction movies. For a start there are the spacecrafts, the mysterious and diverse planets, and the rich and intelligent plots. But also, there are the babes. Ah, the babes! How lucky we are that the writers, directors and producers of these movies seem hell-bent on festooning their outer-space adventures with totally weird, totally hot alien eye candy from start to finish. It might be an odd attraction, but attraction it is. Here we list our ten personal favorites.

10. Neytiri (Avatar)

Yeah it’s weird, but she was oddly hot, and there are probably weirder entries on the list, despite the frankly creepy implications of the ‘sex’ scene. For your very own creepy Avatar themed bedroom fun, why not get your girlfriend to draw some big eyes on a blue plastic bag with a marker pen and wear it over her head. It’s less damaging than being caught watching the DVD with your pants around your ankles and 3D glasses on.

9. Serleena (Men in Black 2)

Lara Flynn Boyle’s role in Men in Black 2 was as a shape-shifting alien queen called Serleena, and she was so hot she made the film watchable. The ex-Twin Peaks star has done the rounds mostly on the small screen, making MIB 2 a rare starring role for the raven-haired beauty. In our opinion, with cans like hers she should have been allowed to play a shape-shifting alien in every film ever to come out of Hollywood. She’d certainly have livened up A Few Good Men.

8. Laliari (Galaxy Quest)

Laliari: the only woman/thing we can think of that looks sexy with tentacles (apart from Serleena, that is). Galaxy Quest’s Laliari, played by Texan-born Missi Pyle, gave away her secret during a make-out scene where she began sprouting octopus-esque appendages. Once we got over the initial shock, it didn’t take long to warm to the idea. Just think what she could do with those things in bed…

7. Anna (V)

If aliens are meant to be so intelligent, then why do they seem to consistently send leaders to Earth who have massive bulging foreheads, spindly fingers and flabby green bellies? Send a leader that looks like V’s Anna, and you’ll have the world’s leaders in the palm of your extraterrestrial hand. There’s no way Obama and the boys could resist succumbing to her naughty short haired sexiness!

6. Oola (Return of the Jedi)

Leia’s main hotness rival in the original Star Wars trilogy, Oola was Jabba’s Twi’ilek dancing girl. She and her crew of palace babes entertained the bounty hunters with their atrocious music (since digitally remastered) and hot dancing (retained from the original). Sadly she met her demise in a rather sudden and messy fashion as brunch for the Rancor. What a waste.

5. Leeloo (The Fifth Element)

Underrated sci-fi epic The Fifth Element featured a ditzy, tough as hell, red-headed alien babe as its protagonist. Played by Mila Jovovich, Leeloo spent a satisfyingly large amount of time showing just enough skin to get us all warmed up, and not so much that we couldn’t watch it when we were 12.

4. Caprica Six (Battlestar Galactica)

Who would have ever thought there could be a redeeming feature to the world’s most, er, earnest sci-fi franchise? Sure, Battlestar Galactica had its moments back in the day. But there was only so much of the same shot of plastic models fighting in space one could take before throwing an implement at the TV due to perilous levels of boredom. Then the new series appeared with improved scripts and Tricia Helfer’s barely clad space globes, and all of a sudden we were addicted again. She might technically be a robot, but she’s certainly not made from metal, and she’s definitely not from Earth. What’s more, there are thousands of identical copies of her.

3. Aayla Secura (Star Wars Episodes II and III)

Another hot Twi’lek from the Star Wars universe, Aayla was a Jedi Master with blue skin and the standard bizarre head tails. Neither attribute failed to impress in a sci-fi series which, Padme Leia aside, was remarkably short of other-worldly eye candy. Like her other main competitor, Oola, Aayla also enjoyed wearing various outfits which would have been more appropriate on Tatooine than Hoth, if you catch our drift (no pun intended!).

2. T’Pol (Star Trek: Enterprise)

Not to be confused with ’80s pop group T’Pau, T’Pol was a saucy Vulcan temptress who added a whole new dimension to the old joke… Vulcanised rubber? Spock’s condom. Played by the generally smokin’ Jolene Blalock, she is technically a MILF according to her Star Trek age. Only Helen Mirren looks as good at 65.
A particular high for fans of T’Pol was the foxy knife fight seen above. You pop your favorite Star Trek characters in an alternate dimension, and they bare their midriffs. Whatever next?

1. Sil (Species)

Sil from Species did an awful lot for the genre. Where do we even begin with her? From a DNA splicing experiment gone wrong (don’t ask), she escaped and grew rapidly into a hot, 20-something female whose main goal was to have sex with as many virile males as possible. Were this to happen in real life, and this were how all the aliens turned out, we reckon we’d be happy to see the human race overtaken.

Bonus Entry: Mary the three boobed prostitute (Total Recall)

“It’s times like this I wish I had three hands!” One of the most awesome quotes of all time, courtesy of the discovery of this Martian prostitute’s special party trick. Sheer sci-fi comedy genius. You might have been expecting to see this lovely lady earlier – however, while she might be from Mars, she’s a mutant, not an alien. Nevertheless, for sheer novelty value, she deserves a mention alongside these off-world honeys!

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